i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
