i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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