??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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