Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
