that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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