Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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