You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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