Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
