My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This is classic penis vs brain.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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