Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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