community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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