i jhust puked up my retainher.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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