big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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