Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
