I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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