Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
