so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
