I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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