im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
