The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
