dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
