She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
