He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
