oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
