Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
