what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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