He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
