There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
