i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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