I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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