ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
