We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
