I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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