ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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