Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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