I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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