I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize