I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
