and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
