Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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