God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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