Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
