Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
