she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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