I puked a lego.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
