Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
