k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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