yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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