The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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