someone threw a dead crab at me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize