Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He shit in the fireplace
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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