There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
