oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
