just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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