Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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