I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize