Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
