I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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