When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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