Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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