Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
