it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
sex in a hospital.. check
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
