So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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