Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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