Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
