now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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